If there is one thing to know about me it’s that I am NOT a “let the chips fall where they may” kinda person.
Even though I like to live my life doing things a little differently, I do not “let” things happen to me. I shift and evolve but I typically do so with intention.
As a younger adult, I tried out different cities and studies to find a way that felt good to me. Even when I was in relationships, I was typically the one advocating for a move or new experience.
Once my first marriage wasn’t working, we started trying to repair through therapy. It became clear after a couple of years that it wasn’t getting better. If he had not wanted to divorce, I would have asked for one anyway. I was not going to “let” my life look like it did at that time. I was hungry for intimacy and he had no interest at that time. I was going to take action to make my life better.
Since intimacy was so important to me, I knew that I was going to have to go on the dating apps. So many women in their 40s, and older, who get divorced say “there’s no way I’m going on a dating app” but I was proactive. I was willing to try. I knew that I had to work towards something instead of “letting” it happen (or not happen).
Once I discovered that I love being kinky and submissive, I became proactive in obtaining more of that experience for myself. Eventually, I went on a search for my ideal dominant. Someone who would appreciate what I had to offer as gifts and could also let me be me. Someone who could co-create a D/s relationship rather than dictate what it would look like.
I had to be open to the idea of creating a D/s with someone online. I had to become flexible and communicative in finding out if this person might be a possibility for me to establish a loving, in-person relationship at some point in the future. I did not just “let” our dynamic occur in the way that he might have wanted. I asked lots of questions and was very open with my needs.
Currently, I am feeling a lot of need for planning for aging. I am witnessing the decline of both of my parents and there are things I wished that they had done better. I wish that they had acknowledged their own aging and eventual death because that is the reality for everyone. If we are lucky enough, we get to age but we will all die.
So, my latest personal endeavor is to work towards an aging process that allows me to enjoy the D/s dynamic I have co-created with my Husband, my Dominant for as long as possible.
No “letting the chips fall where they may” because I can stack the deck in my favor to enjoy pleasure as long as possible with as much freedom as possible.
Hoping there is something for you here.
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