I realized that I was craving a break from life. My most recent relationship had fallen far short of the D/s I began to crave and often felt like I was often mothering another child. As you can imagine, that was the last thing I wanted out of a relationship. Financial challenges, distance and his lack of drive was going to eventually take its toll. And it did.
Once we broke up, I realized how much I was wanting a D/s and I set off on a mission to get one. I did the dungeon scene on occasion and it just never quite fit. I am not a submissive person generally and my discernment (judgment), as well as my knowing that trust would take time, kept me from connecting in play spaces. I didn’t want a dungeon dom. I wanted a D/s, loving, romantic relationship.
I was on vanilla dating sites, as well as on FL, and to be honest, I wasn’t terribly knowledgeable about what I wanted. I had only had a taste and part of what I knew turned me on was to feel “less than” my dom. Note- not to BE less than but to FEEL less than. It appeared that degradation was one of my kinks. I believe that, for me, this ties into my switch nature. That I know that it is difficult for me to let someone else take charge, even though I want it, and to be taken down a few notches helps me get into that space.
Feeling owned was another key component of what I wanted. Being collared was part of that. This was the awareness that I had as I began my search. D/s was the relationship style that I wanted. Learning how to articulate and communicate that was a challenge.
It took me more than a year and I see now what I didn’t know then. Things that would’ve helped me on my journey. I am now married to my Dom. It is possible. Even if you’re thinking that you’re not submissive enough, or you are intimidating to men, or even if you believe that “all the good does are taken,” it can still happen. You can find the dom of your dreams while holding onto yourself and be who you are, both as a human and as a submissive.