Dating can be exhausting! It can feel like you’re in a perpetual race against time and the finish line keeps moving ahead and out of reach.

It’s common for people to rush into relationships when they have fear of missing out on their chance for love. Another common result of this fear is pushing people away before even getting a second or third date due to showing up desperate to get into a relationship. When you find these things happening to you, there is a simple solution to this problem and it has to do with mindset.

Scarcity Mindset in Dating

Picture this: you’re single, and you’ve been on the dating scene for a while. Every date feels like a make-or-break opportunity to find “the one.” You even begin convincing yourself that they’re “the one” before you even meet. This, my friend, is a scarcity mindset. It’s a mindset that has you believing that there aren’t enough people available to you so you hyper-focus on one person.

So, where does this scarcity mindset come from? It often stems from cultural messaging about our stage of life, where we live, how attractive we are or what we can bring to a relationship. It’s the fear that opportunities for love are limited, and if you don’t act quickly, you’ll miss out. But here’s the truth: dating doesn’t have to be about “taking them off the market” and there’s no need to settle for the first person who comes along. You need to allow time to pass for someone to reveal themselves fully and you need that too.

Abundance Mindset in Dating

Instead of operating from a place of scarcity, try shifting your mindset to one of abundance. Start with paying attention to what stories you’re telling yourself. Do you say things like “all the good ones are taken” or “no one is interested in me”? If so, find a phrase to replace these thoughts and remind yourself of it often. Something like “there are plenty of people available for me to date” or “I look forward to the many interesting people I will meet.” That’s what an abundance mindset looks like.

When you hyper-focus on one person or a final outcome of a committed relationship, you’re limiting yourself and making yourself miserable. Rather than getting frustrated and wanting to give up, approach dating with curiosity and openness, focusing on getting to know each person as an individual rather than viewing them as your last chance for love. Don’t be in such a rush. Short-term gains, like rushing into a relationship, can lead to long-term pains when you realize you’re in a relationship with a person you really don’t know. When you slow down, you are in an abundance mindset.


Ultimately, dating should be a journey of self-discovery and growth, not a frantic race to some preconceived destination. By slowing down, tuning into your feelings and stories, you can overcome a scarcity mindset by replacing it with an abundance mindset. Change those beliefs that have you acting out of fear into stories of abundance and plentitude where you can take your time, be mindful and present and, most of all, enjoy something that should be fun- dating!

To help you with slowing down, I’ve created a FREE Feelings Tracker (a downloadable PDF) that you can get here: